TENNESSEE POOLS

• Chattanooga 
  Pool: Downtown YMCA 
  SGOL Link 
  Rating: B+ 
  The Good News: 25 yards, six lanes- all of them roped, cold water, 2 synchronized paceclocks, kickboards, pull buoys. Oh, and a hot, hot jacuzzi. Although I predict that someone will faint and drown before the end of the millenium, I loved it. 
  The Bad News: There's no getting away from the fact that you are in Eastern Tennessee. You can see Walton Mountain from lane 4. Swim fast, Jim Bob. 
  Details: A Master's team works out at 5:45pm M,W,F. although it's a loose-knit group. Another quality I love: the lap pool is open all day long and it's for for lap swim only. A second, smaller pool is reserved for the warm-water loving combo of little kids and old people. 
  On a revisit, a lifeguard offered me a job, a stranger lent me a cap and someone found my keys. What nice people. If I didn't hate Nascar, I'd move to Chattanooga. 
  
  
• Pool: Shallowford YMCA 
  Rating: D+ 
  Date: Sept, 2000 
  The Good News: Very new deep pool, 25 yards, six lanes, all the amenities. 
  The Bad News: Burbs.
  Details: Unfortunately, this new, expensive pool is slow. I hadn't been in the water for six months and as I checked the pace clocks, I was astounded at how slow this pool was. And tiresome. This pool makes 300 yards feel like 3000 yards. This pool's paceclocks are off and this pool's water is heavier than any other water on earth. This pool's walls grab onto one's feet during streamlines and this pool's lane ropes crashed into my shoulders several times during a set of half laps of backstroke. This pool is also very close to several fast food establishments and twice made my car drive to McDonald's for fries. This pool, which knows I am watching my weight, supersized my order. Thanks alot, pool. 
  
  
• Gatlinburg 
  Pool: Community Center 
  SGOL Link 
  Rating: A 
  Date: Sept, 2000 
  The Good News: 25 yards, six lanes, paceclock and it's cheap- $1.50 
  The Bad News: The weight room. 
  Details: This pool is the biggest upset in swimming since Misty Hyman snatched a gold medal out from the claws of Susie O'Neill. Who wouldn've thought a backass backwards town like Gatlinburg would have a great pool? Not me. It's deep, the water is clear and beautiful, and the pool's windows look out over the Smoky Mountains. This pool should score lower since it's minutes from such American cultural highlights as Dollywood, the Lousie Mandrell Theater and the Lee Greenwood Theater, but I was grateful for the distraction. 
  
  Yee haw. 
  
  
• Maynardville 
  Pool: North Side YMCA 
  SGOL Link 
  Rating: C+ 
  Date: Sept, 2000 
  The Good News: 25 yards, six lanes, paceclock 
  The Bad News: It's a little warm. 
  Details: Nice try Maynardville. This pool claims to be in the North Side of Knoxville. Honey, if that's the Northside then Eva Peron's Doughboy in Argentina is the Southside. The drive is about the same. Not only was I cranky from the drive, but then a party of screeching kids was playing Marco Polo so loud that the dead explorer himself turned over in his grave and shouted, "I'm over here you little shits, now shut the hell up!"

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