Natatorium at UM
25 yards, six lanes, crisp cool
water, paceclocks, kickboards, paddles, buoys and the Columbia
Well, for me the weekday workouts
are too close to showtime, but on Saturday-Sunday, the Masters swim, uncoached,
from 12 to1pm.
If you can find parking, life is good.
It's easiest on the weekends, except during homecoming when Mizzou is playing
Nebraska; then you'd best skip the Natatorium and face up to an afternoon
of waves at the Hickman Pool. (see below). The Master's team is very laid
back- each lane makes up its own workout, so it is possible to insert one's
- Hickman Pool
25 meters, kickboards, the water
isn't as warm as it could be, considering how many kids are peeing in it.
Lot of waves.
This pool- hell, this community- is kid
oriented. Out of six lanes, just one was roped off for swimming, and it was
a wall lane that also shared a deep end with the diving well. Waves interfered
with pulldowns and on the Saturday afternoon I swam there, every kid in Columbia
had a birthday party. Jeez, is the whole town a Scorpio? Each time one party
of kids got out of the pool, they were replaced by a new wave of pale-faced
Midwest Catholic moms and their oversized family reunions. (And don't think
I'm prejudiced- my own parents are pale-faced Midwest Catholics. That's how
I can spot them a mile away). I never got a moment's peace. Hanging on the
lane rope, diving into my measly lane, fingering my Zoomers...it was a long
My feeling is that if
you can't discipline your own kids then I will, and I believe in corporal punishment.
In fact, if you are a parent who thinks it's cute when their kid plays with
my paddles and jumps on me during a streamline, you, too, are in need of a
beating and if I have enough coffee in my system, you'll get one.
Of course, after writing
this diatribe, I realized I had left my new black jacket at Hickman Pool.
When I returned to check the lost and found, with no hope of seeing it again,
there it was, turned in by one of the moms of one those noisy Midwest Catholic
25 yards, six lanes (roped into
three large ones), pace clocks, kickboards, pull buoys, cool water, flags.
When the kids get in for swim lessons,
there's only one lap lane for swimming, and the push off is impaired by a
Everyone here was so nice. The desk staff
couldn't do enough for me, the swim teachers welcomed me to the state- if
any of these people saw my act, they'd be devastated. Oh, well. A series of
old guys, (Harold first-then Stan, followed by Carl), told me about their
medical problems and added an hour to each workout. I was initially annoyed,
but then I decided, hell, if I get old, I'll do the same thing. I'll find
some upstart arrogant punk swimmer who thinks her workout is more important
than mine and I'll nail her with surgical details. Why not?
25 yards, six lanes, paceclocks,
From the cockroach-infested crackhouse
where the comedy club houses me, the YMCA is an hour away by bus
This Y is a pool only. Don't be like me
and cajole a runner (with a car) into driving you to the Y because you think he
can do his treadmill thing while you swim. This is called burning a (red)