LAURIE KILMARTIN | Comedian
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OKLAHOMA POOLS

  • Tulsa 
    Pool: Thornton YMCA 
    SGOL Link 
    Rating: C 
    The Good News: 25 yards, six lanes, (three roped) pace clocks, kickboards. 
    The Bad News: Hot, hot water and no flags. 
    Details: I travel so much that often I forget where I am. When I wake up in the morning or emerge from a hard set, for all I care I could be on Mars. At the Tulsa Y, one glance at the face of a fellow swimmer reminded me: Oklahoma. 
    One woman, who had inexplicably avoided the waterproof mascara section of Thrifty's, jumped in the water with what I consider to be full-prostitute makeup and began to thrash. One wet lap left her looking like a rained-out rape victim. Oh, there's more. A cross-eyed, pug-nosed, misshapen-headed Jethro stared at me from warmup to warmdown. He placed himself directly in front of the pace clock, so I had to look past his slobbery gaze on every set. 
    Thank God for mirrored goggles. 
    A lonely transplant from Washington DC clung to me for dear life one afternoon. Sorry darling, I can't save you from Tulsa; you're on your own.

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