LAURIE KILMARTIN | Comedian
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  • Lap Pool Reviews

MICHIGAN POOLS

  • Ann Arbor 
    Pool: Wentashaw Recreation Center 
    SGOL Link 
    Rating: B- 
    Good News: Decent gutters, lane ropes, 25 yards and a minipace clock at the shallow end. 
    Bad News: Five dollar entrance fee, four lanes wide, no flags and flimsy, pantywaist kickboards. Oh, and the lifeguards make you shower before you get in the pool. Exactly what is the chlorine for? 
    Details: I suspect that America's psychiatrists are prescribing lap swim to cure schizoprenia. Why else would I step out of the shower and see a woman having a conversation with my pull buoy, and then nodding when it answered her? I am paranoid enough to think that they were talking about me and vain enough to think that the buoy was complaining. Hey, I'm gonna shave my legs tomorrow, ok?

  • Pool: Mack Pool 
    SGOL Link 
    Rating: B 
    The Good News: Indoors, 6 lanes, 25 yards and the hard styrofoam kickbaords that I love. Paceclocks too and a masters team although I didn't see them. The lifeguard has a pierced lip. Admission is just $2.50. 
    The Bad News: The noon and evening lap swim times are for one hour only. 
    Details: Lifeguarding class during lap swim makes for a wavy pool, and the loudmouth instructor repeatedly interrupted my procrastinating with tips on rescuing drownees who may have a spinal injury. 

  • Flint 
    Pool: YMCA 
    SGOL Link 
    Rating: C- 
    Good News: Cool water, 25 yards, clock, five or six lanes, flags. 
    Bad News: No lane ropes, Flint. 
    Details: This must be what it's like to train at a mental institution. Every door is locked- at the front desk, you are issued a set of forty keys. You have to go through a metal detector to take a piss. Terribly depressing, and of course, no lane ropes. That makes for a smooth fly set, doesn't it? 

    Blech. 

  • Grand Rapids 
    Pool: Southeast YMCA 
    SGOL Link 
    Rating: B+ 
    Good News: 25 meters, nearly cool water, lane line, pace clocks, indoors, free with a Y card. 
    Bad News: It's really hot in here, so even though the water isn't too bad, the heating will stifle your windpipes. Bring water. 
    Details: Well, the locker room was closed for cleaning at the precise moment lap swim ended. I needed to shower, so I changed in front of the maintenance man. I think it'd been awhile for both of us, because he didn't seem to mind and neither did I. 


  • Pool: Ford Natatorium @ Grand Rapids Community College 
    SGOL Link Rating: A
    Good News: 25 meters by 25 yards, kickboards, indoors, paceclocks, free workout with the Masters team. 
    Bad News: Like every college pool I've ever spent three hours trying to find, this one is tucked away in a building whose name has nothing to do with swimming: The Fieldhouse. What would you expect to find in the Fieldhouse? Weeds and horticulture undergrads, right? Wrong, my logic-driven friend. 
    Details: West Michigan Masters has a 5 pm workout on Friday night; plenty o' time for me to wake up, enjoy breakfast and swim. Mucho thanks to coaches Brad and Mikey who squeezed nearly 3000 yards in an hour and muy mucho thanks for the breaststroke friendly intervals. This is the first Masters workout I've crashed whose main set wasn't 10 x 200's freestyle on some macho, testoterone inflected pace. 

  • Mt Pleasant 
    Pool: SAC Pool at CMU 
    SGOL Link 
    Rating: B+ 
    Good News: 25 yards, ropes, clock, flags. 
    Bad News: It's rather expensive, ten dollars, although I managed to sneak in without paying. 
    Details: Well, if I'd paid for this swim, the score would be lower. Lots of non-swimmers in this pool. And I mean NON. Example: A woman gets in my lane. I say, do you want to split? She says yes. Of course I'm thinking a vertical split. She apparently thought I meant a horizontal split, so she took the shallow end and starting to float around. We were both surprised when I crashed into her.

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