"...this baby is the only interesting thing that's ever happened to me..."
Torture is Funny, April 18, 2006
I pitched again. Same show, same network as a few weeks ago, but this time they wanted an outline of a typical episode. This show stars another comic, I'm just the writer. In the course of beating it out (finding the beats, people, finding the beats), I discovered two flaws in the premise. And fixed them. It went well, we'll see.
After some genetic testing, it turns out the baby's odds for Down's Syndrome are 1 in 710. That's good. Before the testing, it was 1 in 49, because of my age. Of course, there's still global warming, America's economic decline and Ashlee Simpson. No matter how you slice it, today's baby is fucked.
Angelina Jolie is my favorite pregnancy. She's all belly, all baby. If I could pull that off, I'd be happy...ish. In fact, if I can maintain my current body weight til the bitter end, with my unborn child feeding off the junk in my trunk, life would be good.
I'm supposed to get together a tape so I can do the Comedy Central Presents this year. I'd be about 6 and a half months, definitely showing. Forever preserved on Comedy Central. And I have a Montreal showcase in a few weeks. For the Masters series, which is a development set. The kind of set someone sees and wants to make into a tv show. So I have to drag El Fetus into that set too. This baby is the only interesting thing that's ever happened to me. In terms of a show, a woman who doesn't like kids, remains childless then dies shallow and alone is not compelling.
That was the old me.
The new me still doesn't like kids, but is now expecting one and will die from a stress-induced heart attack, surrounded by Thomas the Train toys.
Torture is funny when you watch it on tv.
