This country is being held together by a puck.
Canadian Dollars, Feb 26 2002
It's been three days since I exchanged my Canadian money for American dollars at a Bureau d'Change on St. Catherine and I'm still sick to my stomach.
Is that all I made?
That would be the opposite of how I felt when I got my check from the corporate gig in Massachusetts. I made alot, and I earned every god damn cent of it. The audience was 2-300 men, and 3 or 4 women, in a convention center. I started clean, doing crowd work and I got a lukewarm response. Joke by joke, I started getting dirtier and ended on the big dick joke closer and they loved it. Nearly all corporate gigs are squeaky clean but not this one, Reader. I must have been cheaper than a stripper.
Before last weekend, I was under the impression that Canadians were more savvy about our politics than we are. They aren't. Americans aren't ready to accept that the man leading the War on Terra is still the same dufus who called Greeks Grecians. W had one great moment on the rock pile at Ground Zero with the bullhorn and it's been downhill ever since.
On Canada's version of the Today show, which I taped Friday morning, I was ready to go into a bit that was solid up through September 10, the "W is a moron and Laura has been sedated" bit. "He's an idiot," I started.
The newscaster's smiling face flattened. "So I hear you're a swimmer!"
Ah, we're changing topics.
"Yes, I am," I said. I did my swimming joke like the little comedy robot I am and we ended with heartfelt goodbyes.
Montreal is in Quebec, and Quebec is the Alabama of Canada. They're still fighting the war, except unlike Alabama, Quebec is winning. Everyone in Montreal is French. At restaurants, they greet you with a "bonjour" and when you reply with "howdy, do y'all have a non-smoking section," their eyes cross slightly as if they wish they had a knife and a legal reason to stab you.
This country is being held together by a puck. If the women's and men's hockey teams stop winning gold medals at the Olympics, I fear for Canada's future.
The Daily Show audition went well, as far as I can tell. The casting director gave us all a little pep talk.
"Don't do anything. The writing is so tight, you just have to read it."
In the hallway, I practiced not doing anything. Not telegraphing, not emphasizing punch words, just reading the copy and letting the words do all the work.
"Verrrry nice," said the casting lady as I left.
Well, thank you.
I redesigned my site, added some shows to the TV Star
page, and video clips are still coming.