The Endorsement You've Been Waiting For... October 26th, 2004
We tease.Stem Cell ResearchKilmartin.com encourages all its readers to get off their lazy, cynical asses and send that mutherfucker back to Texas.
We are for it.
Stem cells should be harvested not only from aborted fetuses, but also from live babies, like the one who cried during the puppet sex scene of Team America last weekend. Hey baby, as your last good cell is being sucked from your writhing body, why don't you tell your 14 year old mother to bring a condom to the prom next time.
Abortion
We are for it.
Yes, it's a baby. This "fetus" word, we don't know what it means. From the moment the sperm knocks on the egg's door and says "Delivery," it's a baby. But having that baby is still the woman's choice. Baby, fetus, stem cells... we get to end it if we don't want it.
Are we right, ladies? Can we get a what-what?
Yeah, men, the ladies get to kill babies and you don't. Boo hoo. Quit whining, you stupid bitches. Whoever said life was fair? You don't see us protesting war because killing civilians is "wrong", do you? So why don't you enjoy the military toys, and keep your paws off our wombs as we cure down's syndrome, one flawed chromosome at a time.
Affordable Health Insurance
We are for it.
We have been blessed with excellent health and yet we pay 350 a month for health insurance. What's the point of not smoking or drinking? For that kind of money, we should be able to skydive without a chute, or at least drive without wearing a seatbelt.
Social Security
We are for more of it.
We don't completely get this issue, but we want money when we're old and we don't trust mutual fund managers.
Gay Marriage
We are for it.
Anyone who's ever fantasized about Carmen Electra making out with Pam Anderson must support gay marriage. You can't jerk off to your cake and eat it too.
The Saudi Arabian War
We are for it.
The incumbent played this one perfectly- 15/19 hijackers were Saudi. Oh, wait, we attacked Iraq.
Never mind.
As feminists, we have to point out that present day Saudi Arabia is a ten times worse for women than Iraq ever was. For example, Saudi women still aren't allowed to vote. Saddam Hussein insisted that women engage in elections, and they rewarded him with 100% of the female vote for 30 years. Mighty impressive. Also, Iraqi women like Dr. Germ and Mrs. Anthrax, anticipated in the highest levels of Iraq's genocide cabinet. In Saudi Arabia, these two talented ladies would have been relegated the kitchen, listening while the men made plans, dreaming of that one day they too could kill Kurds.
