"...if Johnny Depp slapped me once, I'd take him back..."
Do It Again Donnie, Oct 29, 2002
The longtime Readerstalker knows of my three year obsession with the Aspen Comedy Festival. Two years ago, I flew to Seattle for one night because Ron Reid from the Underground put me on a showcase, and last year I poured over whatever I thought was a great development set (My boyfriend's a Russian, hey tv people- I love Luski!
). I spent money on makeup, a manicure and an outfit. Since '99, autumn has meant falling leaves and an outfit for the Aspen showcase.
Well, not this time. I'm tired of trying to be liked. It's a cancer. On Friday night at Stand Up New York, I wore old pants. Most of the jokes were new to whomever was watching the audition. I kept two from previous showcases because they made good transitions, but the development set is out the window. Gennady isn't my boyfriend anymore and I'm bored.
I want a new story.
turned me into Johnny Depp fan. I rented four movies last week: Elizabeth
, Breaking the Waves
and Donnie Brasco
. I don't have cable yet, so I watched each one a couple times.
The fifth time I watched Johnny smack Anne Heche in the garage, I decided if Johnny Depp slapped me once, I'd take him back too. With a stern lecture, of course. ("If you ever
hit me again..." etc.) None of the men from Fargo
have been extended this courtesy. If Steve Buscemi or William Macy ever smacked me, I'd call the police immediately. Count your lucky stars, Depp.
Life is different up here in the Dominican Republic. The nearby C-Town, a grocery and drugstore chain, does not sell tampons. You read that right. It's pads the size of hotel pillows or nothing. What a treat to have the Pope stocking the feminine hygiene aisles. And nobody rents movies here. I had to go to one of the four Blockbusters within a five block radius of the old apartment.
But the West 150's are not all No, Closed and We Don't Have That. Reader, do you find yourself needing a haircut, at 2 A.M., on a weekday? Well, do you? Follow me. Let's get off at 145th St, and walk up Broadway. Pick from your choice of at least three 24 hour barber shops. Of course you'll have to wait, since each one is packed with men who need a trim, and they need it now. Hungry? Let's stroll into one of the all-night Candy stores. Nothing takes the edge off a late night haricut like jelly belly.
Every comic should see Comedian
. Anyone who loves a comic should see Comedian
. Anyone who hates a comic should see Comedian. I can't even begin to write about it, I'm so full of emotion. I need to roll it around in my mouth like a sip of perfect wine before I can describe its tastes and flavors.
I'm off to San Antonio
for a week.