LAURIE KILMARTIN | Comedian
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ENGLISH POOLS

  • London 
    Pool: Chelsea Sports Centre(Kensington) 
    SGOL Link 
    Rating: D+ 
    The Good News: 25 metres, great place to practice for an open water swim. 
    Bad News: No lane ropes and no pace clock. Have fun dodging dozens of wild English children and their pram pushing Sloane Ranger mums while they swim vertically across the pool in front of you. No equipment allowed (see details) 
    Details: When I pulled out my Zoomers, the life guard screamed at me like I was planting a car bomb under a lorry full of Protestants. 
    "No, no, no! Ma'am, we can't have you wearing those in the pool!" Their excuse was security. Pulling gear was out of the question too, and goggles required a furious consultation with upper management. Thanks for being so accomodating and now it's no surprise that Michelle Smith took steriods. 

  • Pool: YMCA 
    SGOL Link 
    Rating: B+ 
    Good News: 25 meters, six lanes and they're all roped, and paceclocks. Plus, it's a quick walk from the Tube. (Russell Square, I think) 
    Bad News: No equipment allowed, but kickboards are provided. 
    Details: There's a Masters team that I never hooked up with because its workouts were either at night, during my showtime or on Sunday morning, during my sleeptime. If you have a Y card, the first five workouts are free and then a cover charge of 6.10 pounds kicks in. Approximately ten US dollars to workout alone and without paddles or Zoomers.

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